eErised

2008-11-16T01:50:00.000-08:00

.. an angel with broken wings..

my spirit is crushed and i am trying to recuperate., can i have a tine-out?.., i need to breathe.., i feel like a rubber band whose elasticty is about to be broken..,i view myself as someone that could adjust unto whatever waves life would surprise me... i am but tired.., but i know i need not to tell myself that i am tired because i know deep within i can give more...,, hey.., listen.., hey.., listen..,

.. i don't wnat harbour anger or feelings of negativity against other but as i do that all the negativity points to my direction.., Lord you are my refuge and my strength ..., i have witness your overflwing love for a numerous time and now i crave for more of your love..

..soory for my random thoughts.., i seek affirmation.., that what i am doing is right, that i am still in line with sanity.. ;c

2008-10-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

sembreak!!!! can't wait!!...

oh yeah.., i'm super excited for long hours of sleep and night outs.., endless chicka with friends and most of all to spend tym more tym with family...
at the moment my legs are super aching.., i'm back on wearing my dancing shoes bwahaha..., spent almost half of the day dancing wid aic.., we're reviewing steps for tine's debut.., the steps are super hot.., hihi.., something new for us good gurls hehe i'm sure everyone will be shocked and they will really laugh hehe.., aaw.. 2m need to wake up early rArr.. need to have some beauty rest ayt? for the party.. aah.. i'm quite sleepy.. nyt2..

2008-10-01T04:31:00.000-07:00

..found d reset buttonn..;p

..ok so now i am perfectly alryt.., a lot of sweet things had happen.. just last nyt i spend tym wid my gurls we had a surprise for tine.., she's turning 18.., we went to her house at around 1130 in d evening nd waited till 12 so we are the first people to greet her.., i super miss the group hehe.. but prior to the celebration of her party i was at the church waitng for apz and aic becoz they r practicng for SARC's anniversry the choir was good or even great.. i miss singing with them and it's sad coz i can't sing with them coz i'm busy with nursing stuffs so i couldn't attend during rehearsals..;c

....and i think i owe some of my smiles for the two wonderful people i have first is my "perfect-charmer" the one who always makes an effort to make me smile.., he knows how to make me feel good at my lowest points and the best thing about us is our pure friendship.., his someone whom i know i can really trust... and of course to my "prince chubby" my joy-giver and inspiration without making an effort he makes me smile..,

..and you fill my heart with so much love that makes me feel so brave.., now i'm loving all my fears.. and you are my greatest fear.., my greatest risk.. i am afraid to take risks but with you around i'm willing to take everything..;p

waiting for you to sit beside me..;p

2008-09-29T04:48:00.000-07:00

.. and it gets bluer everyday....

heck.., i'm super missing my old "LIFE".., some old "peoPLe" who used to be a part of my so-called life if i still hev any.. ouch..., sounds so pathetic but that is my statusquo for the time being yeap.. pathetic add to that being numb..and ooh soo sooRry......

no major event have occured to make ne feel this bad just woke up one morning and realized that i no longer know the character i am playing.., does life has a reset button? coz i badly need it or just a slow button coz i can't keep up with everything...:c

anger management..

2008-08-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

"..whew.., one..one thousand one, one.. one thousand two..
deep breathinh.. inhale.. exhale.."

.. i passed anger management!! hehe.. honestly maybe it's because of my only 3 hours slEep that is why i am easily irritated and became narrow minded..., but i really just can't tolerate liars.., being lied upon.., and when people does not ask for any apology for their wrong doings.. rARRr.. it brings me to a boiling point luckly i was able to handle my ANGER!!! and as always there are much better and important things to dwell unto rather than my temper..;p

..i am soo trying to finish my case study ahead of time..;p

2008-08-22T02:04:00.000-07:00

"I miss the way you make me smile..
The way my heart skip a beat when you’re near..."

..crazy talks,,. conversation that last for hours.., hidden smiles.., a unique friendship that is what we have., you are my JOKEr, my joy giver and the one person who knew me best...,
you're special hope you knew that.., but somewhere, somehow everything chaged.. an unseen wall was being formed between us.., i wish to break it and reach for you.., to have you again but i am too scared and full of pride..

.. now it feels weird, everything is weird between us.. am i a ghost?! am i just a spirit?! you don't even bother to look at me as if i don't exist.. so joker finally give up.., tired of makin me smyl.., and the reason... coz joker found his own "catwoman" but hey she's not for you!! haha evil laugh kiddn.. this is the green eyed monster part of me speakin hihi,, but seriously i MISS you!! big tym.. u're sweet-mean-annoying-lovable remarks which i reaaly need ryt now..*yah i super need that ryt now*.. but i'm haPPy coz ur haPPy i just wish i could congratulate you and show you that i'm at your back...;p

to tell you this word.." hey, we've prayed for this to come., for us to find that special person,, who could help us heal the wound that we acquired from the past. i see your joy when you look at her.., indeed she is special..," please do take care of him...

..you might think, you know who my joker is..., but all you have are ideas.., onLy I know who he is... that person whom once in myLyf became a very special friend....;p

2008-08-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

..super soree 4 d l8 upd8 huhu been bz.., super lots of things had occur hehe.., hmmm to start wid we had our capping.., den 2 rotations were over (i've been wanting to share stuffs about my group but i'll reseve dat for my next blog)

.. oh well today is a free day!! aweee no duty thanks to karen.., nd i'm done wid my ncp nd cMAp nd mybe l8r i'll work on my case study.., hmm stuck agen n front of the pc.. wat else s to do 4 today hmm.. just case study i guess..

.. sept.5 is d nyt 2,, d choir is singing 4 d CA nd we are starting wid our practice..;p

a glimpse of childhood

2008-07-22T03:27:00.000-07:00

..lurve this daY.. wee., though it was very toxic on the floor, it was very heart-warming the way patient showed gratitude hihi.., below is a cute poem that made my day.., i made some revisions hehe..;p

My Resignation
Author Unknown

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilitiesof an 8 year-old.I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.I want to sail sticks across a fresh mudpuddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.So... here's my textbook and my paraphernalias, my to-do lists and my daily allowance. I am officially resigning from "stress-hOod".And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause..............

"Tag! You're it."

2008-07-16T03:50:00.000-07:00

..rain and my thoughts..

aaw.. blame it om the rain me feeln blue huhu.., kiddn m not thAt well I myt have colds boohoo.. i just want to slyp nd lie in the bed the whole day.. here are my wish-thoughts for now..:
*i am prayin that thre are no classes 4 2m( i miss mie nd the others but i want 2 rest hehe)
* wish i would not have colds.., pls2 nono!!..
*missin my HubHub nyahaha( lets hide him in the name of keRroKerroKerropi hehe..)
*hmm.., i'm imagnin what fud 2 eat later yumyum...
*i'm actually bored haha.., just want to slyp but i'm so lazy to walk 2 my room(gRr.. it's a sin.. bad)

...oOh another thing my FEET are REaLly aching as in major ache.., but it's quite worth it.., hmm.. we just ended are first week of duty at the HOspital and it was reAlly tiring,, "toxic" haha.., you need 2 bring ur own inhaler coz u'll 4get how 2 breath with all those things you need to do.., but it was a very fulfilling experience.., being able to care for your patient and hearing the magic word "thank you" just that word is enough to rub out all the "toxicity" you've encountered.., and seing the satisfaction and smile on your patient who was in pain and you were able to give her comfort was really fulfilling..

.. but being exposed on our hospital duty made me realize that my profession is not really a work with glamour but more of service and it's a calling coz you need to have a heart in order to perform all your task imagine.., handling 8-10 diffrent patient a day, each with their own unique needs you have to attend to.., i am really praying that my passion and love for what i am doing will not fade but be more intense..

"evry task I do would not be put in vain,

for all of these things are an offering"

"i offer unto him, everything..

let him be my guide, carry my hands

and lead me in my every act.."

elated to be doomed..;c

2008-06-29T03:37:00.000-07:00

risk for bipolar attitude as related to suppressed emotions..?! *soree i'm a nursing freak?!*

... yeap i myt be at risk of bipolar disorder..., wheew i'm about to drown with this extreme emotions.., i was happy then mad.., missing some people and now really scared..,. but i'm trying to be fine.., trying to be ok.., ignoring the pain and fears that kept runnin into my head.., i'm so using intellectualization as a defense mechanism that is my favorite.., so now what do i really feel.., i got confused with my own haPpy..., smiling act.., can't dig within me.. now i just feel tired.., can i sleep for a year?! and just say adeu with all this stressors?! i am withering.., catch me.., make me feel alive.. and give me just a glimpse of happiness..,

..suddenly my world becomes gloomy..;c

2008-06-27T02:45:00.000-07:00

june 26: hmm.. passSing... to failure..eRRR..

..*this day is eRr.. not that gud huhu.. i had 3 quizes huhu.., my brain cells were over used?! kiddn.. i hate my very lax attitude dat day nd d nyt before..rAaarr.. ny grades range from mediocre to flunk..;c *nxt week i swear it will be diff.., goal: one mistake or perfcet!! haha i'm free to dream ayt?!!*

.. and what's worst than my awful quizes is my oOh so boring prof in teaching strat..boohoo.. well i can sense that he is smart but OMG he lacks confidence he couldn't finish a phrase without saying.. "aAh... aAh.., parang..,basically..sO.." grr.. am i being mean? but really it's distracting.., i'm trying to absorb his lecture because it's intresting however listening to him makes me hate the subject.. grr.. last thurs.., a battle in XOX saved me from sleeping in his class*haha so know you know how childish i am.., at least i didn't sleep* so today i really tried to listen but there are a lot of distraction in class.. as in a LOT.. i became the target of tim,pia nd rach's attention..*see m much more ntresting than my prof* hehe as i try to listen attentively?1 *they* keep on doing their distracting tactics at my back hehe.. but it was fun.., and they were successful in distracting me hooho..p laf3p..*soRry sir i tried my hardest to listen to you.., hehe but i think i learnd some stuffs haha lyk B.F. skinner theory and others..;p

June 27; huh? pictorial.. and the big "C"

...yeah pictorial?! well it's more of a chaotic thingy than a pictorial hehe,,;p it's for R capping ceremony but on my personal opinion it looks like a picture on our first communion..hmm..
the big "C" no it's not cancer hehe it's eRr.. about french fries his my big "c" for now.., k8 a.k.a. "mie" has tons of outrageous thoughts for today hehe she calls me "gf" and 3sh a.k.a. "ate kc" "bf" hehe it has a very funny meaning in which i cannot tell..*but your free to guess what those words mean* and before i forgot carmz was asking who d big "c" was hehe but i'm not yet ready wee..*arte* yei!! 2m is saturday!! my fave day haha..;p

mybe i'm in heart..;p

bits of rEality

2008-06-25T04:28:00.000-07:00

*breath*.., whew.., i am of no hold of tyM..

duty...duty.. , today is just a normal routine on mY duty days.., woke up at aroubd 3am.., went to school.., arrived at bangkal lying-in.., we didn't have any patietnt for today so as always our last resort to be free from boredom is to goof around and giggle.., hihi..;p flo and i had a *form a as many words within a minute tournament* with a free sundae as a catch to the person who will win it is race to five game.., whew it was a close fight and we were successful on our goal to be free from boredom because we were unable to finish our fight because we didn't notice that it was already time to leave yipEe..;p the score was 4-4 hehe it is a hanging battle.., to be continued next duty hoho..;p

...so i got home around 3.., and as soon as i stepped on our house i headed to my room and slept until 5.. sarap..;p hmm.. 5-8 chat.., *glam was so cheezy bout allen..* but i'm glad to see her haPPy.. wee super bgay keo 2geder..;p heart2...

..my chat with my lil sis.., somehow made me realize that in two years time i'll be done with BSN*keeping my fingers crossed* and i'll be 20 by that time.., whew.., me? 20? hehe.. bit scaree but xciting,,;p this also means gudbye to my gray uniform nd black stockings.., no more snacks at cafe mauro, byebye with sleepover due to case studies, huhu can't bare with those things yet ehe better to enjoy and make the most of my last two years at RTRMS-MMC ayt?..,

hhmm... in two years tym..i'll be the cutest 20 years old nyahah..;p

JUNE23,20008: frank.. frank has gone away

2008-06-24T03:37:00.000-07:00

JUNE 23,2008:NO DUTY TODAy..huhu..sad;c

Frank is gone!!! yeAh!! too bad duty was cancelled when in fact there is no stOrm today.. gRR... today is a non-productive day or so i thought nyahaha.. i've spent half of the at bed, i was close to having bed sore hihi due to over lying on the bed.., and having calluses and blame that to UNLITXTING haha..;p luckily 2870 txt me and save my thumb from having calluses hoho.. so i can't txt and i'm tired of sleeping and eating in between *if i'll continue this routine for a week.., my CHN uniform wouldn't fit me anymore hekhek..* cHattN is the next good thing to do!! and AYA is my savior from my ultimate boring day hehe she gave me something exciting to do wEE.. the result of that is my lovely layout hihi.. she gave me a layout tutorial *tnx aya.., luRve you bigTYm..;p* she taught me simple stuffs like changing the skin of my blogsite.., putiing pictures and everything.., and i discoverd something whew i am a novice with all this stuffs hihi.., but it was fun learning ayt? so where done with our mission: make my blogsite decent... hihi i guess it was a success because i receive favorable comments!! yipee!!

break from duty..;p

2008-06-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

* no classes for 2m in all levels*

wee!! break from duty!! well i'm quite happy coz dat means another rest day for us.., but somehow., i'll miss an opportunity to witness another miracle of lyf..;p but maybe i'll took advantage on the tym to sleep more..;p

*the miracle*

yeah definitely this year or term is a turning point, being assigned on the maternity clinic and being able to see the wonders of a woman body and as that little human being comes out to the world.., whew., it gives a different high..,;p and when you here his first cry, which signifies that he is alive.., no matter how exhausting and a bit terrifying it is to handle a newborn because he seems to be so fragile *plus the fact it is my first time to do that* once you carry and took hold of him., they give a different feeling of joy and calmness..;p

*and to mama*

being able to witness how wonderful and equally difiicult it is to give birth.., i give a million thanks to my mom., it's no joke to carry a child in your womb and at the time of labor and delivery the woman is at great risk.., my mom has a choice to give me life or took it, my mom told me that before she got pregnant with me, she and my papa was planning to take a greater oppurtunity but having a child will forfeit them to have that, and during that time she found out that she was pregnant to cut the story short.., i have lived the past 18 years of my life because my mom choose to give me the gift of life instead of the greener pasteur they could have..;p i'm not a perfect daughter, but i know my mom has big heart which is willing to forgive and understand.., i may not be able to say this as often as i should but i LOVE my mom big TYM!! i wouldn't choose any other person to be my mom..;p

hush.. and listen to the rain...

2008-06-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

*the rain is pouring heavily...*

i love the weather today.., i love it when it rains.., it is as if the rain is cleansing my thoughts and giving me the gift of feeling calm and at peace.. and today the rain for me is not just a weather that i love but an affirmation from my creator.., it's his gentle into my weary heart..

...to give you a hint on why do i feel like this let me share what happened to me last nyt.. i got home at around nine, because i've attended an org acquitance party at my college that was a blast and the experience was very refreshng and uplifting., the theme of the party was "to know you more" (referring to our saviour and God). So after that party i was so inlove again with my creator my love tank was refilled (and lucky for me coz now i realized it was really God's plan for me to attend that night because he was preparing my heart from the hurt i was about to endure)

..so i am at our house already i didn,t ate dinner ma nad pa was talking about "something" and that "someone" actually i'm immuned with that topic or i thought i was.., that "topic" really pains me..hmm.. so i end up in my room talking and letting my heart out to my creator.., i am hurting so bad.., but i could hear the echo in my head of what the pastor had said in the talk during the acquitance "i know you have worries and doudts.., but trust in God for HE will never forsake YOU" and that night i asked to embrace me.., and let me feel his presence.... there i was sitting at corner of my bed praying and i could feel goosebumps all over my body.., and there then i feel that my saviour is with me as i grieve..

"for God so love the world that he gave his only son, so that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.."